Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Bible Humper


Jerry Falwell died yesterday. So this morning I looked him up on Wikipedia, to try and gain some insight into this now-dead, Elmer Fudd-esque man before his puff-piece obit hits, and his memory gets propelled to a status befitting a recently deceased Living God. Unfortunately, the Wikipeople had gotten there first, and cleaned up all the dirt, so this enigmatic man (I had never heard of him before yesterday, to the best of my knowledge) will FOREVER remain a mystery. Unequivocally. About the only "fact" I was able to glean before I got bored and started searching for an entry for "Briand Dennehy Beastiality Sex Scandal" (FYI there isn't one... YET) was that Jerry lost his virginity to his own mother in an outhouse. At least according to Larry Flynt. The accuracy of this account could be called into question, but it's entertainment value is absolute.

Whereas the Ancient Egyptians built tombs to help usher their most revered dead to the underworld, we now construct heaping mounds of shmaltz and spin to honor our dead leaders. And as in Egypt, when I say we, I mean "the Jews."

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