OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Let me tell you a little story about life and death.

A New York landmark (albeit an ugly one) was destroyed as recently as this past week. I am speaking of course of the Cooper Union Building on Bowery between 6th and 7th (You know the one... Big, ugly, grey on off-white paint job... The one that's not, like, there anymore...). The building famously housed... I dunno, probably fucking canvases and berets and crap. ANYWAY, the point is that, as a native New Yorker, I've seen buildings come and go, but this loss had a profound resonance to me, because it was on THAT SPOT that I learned an important life lesson. My sister was there, so if you don't believe me, just FUCKING ASK HER!!! GOSH!!!1

Picture this: A one legged pigeon. Standing perfectly still, in the dead center of the block. From the look of its feathers, the thing had another 45 seconds of life left in it. And the thing is, SHITTING ITS LIFE OUT. I'm seriously here, folks. The thing had a circular pile of pigeon shit, maybe three inches high, four inches in diameter, directly beneath it (for those who don't know, pigeon shit looks like green eggs and ham). And it WASN'T STOPPING. It was hard at work, very forcefully (and very literally) SQUEEZING the last ounces of life out of its awful little one-legged body.

And this was the best part of the whole scene. It's a Saturday afternoon, crowded street, sunny, warm day. And my sister and I are the only people who seem to notice this pitiful goddamn creature. This was a pigeon in the throes of death, conveying a message to the world at large through use of a giant pile of shit as a medium. And these people had the GALL to just ignore (or pretend to ignore) the thing. It's like if someone had used that flaming monk to light a cigarette. I guess its very cool and "New York" to be flip, or la, or whatever, but goddamn it, when a hard-living, one-legged pigeon's insides are on public display, you're supposed to feel SOMETHING.

And then it hit me: NOBODY CARES. If I hadn't been laughing my ass off at his dire situation, I would've been standing right next to my pigeon-brother, shitting in a show of solidarity. Because YOU could be one the sidewalk one day, on your one remaining leg, shitting yourself to death and NO ONE WOULD FUCKING CARE.

: )