Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Sega has always kept it real. Next time some eight year old owns you on Halo 2, challenge him to some Afterburner, and see if that won't make his rat tail stand on edge. Getting schooled by the pep squad at DDR? Pop in Moonwalker, and see who has the REALEST rhythms, BITCHES! Point is, Sega doesn't want you to grow up, but they don't really mind if you're already forty five. Case in point? Nights, baby.

Nights: Into Dreams was the best game you never heard of. This game probably would have gotten your Grandma into games, if not for the dismal failure of the Saturn (which in turn was begat by the dismal failure of the 32X, which was a rehash of the failure of the Sega CD, which was an offshoot of the failure of the Genesis, which was the son-of-the-living-failure of the Sega Master System). Launched on an already-defunct-as-a-doornail system, Nights put you in control of Nights, a flying purple imp who invaded the dreams of children out of boredom and/or for personal gain.

Besides being the first game with an integrated analog control scheme (WHOOOOO! DROKS!!!), Nights was also a completely G-rated take on A Nightmare On Elm Street. Perhaps the strangest choice in mascot since Bonk The Child Molester, Nights was a swan song for a company with a "Best of" collection of Swan Songs. With a sequel for the game now confirmed for launch on the Wii in the Fall, it looks like your Grandma may in fact feel like flying. Despite most of the industry insisting that the Wii will deliver on a promise Nintendo made to us with The Power Pad some thirteen years ago, I remain unsure as to the future reception of our beloved imp-thing, Nights. As someone who has fallen for Sega's shiny charms again and again ("I wish I could quit you!"), I have no doubt that die-hard nerds will be bowled over by Nights' reemergence, which will in turn will be ignored by the money-having public.

So, for lack of a better conclusion, here's where I'm going with this: Sega has always been happy to sacrifice sales figures in exchange for putting out some of the weirdest fucking "games" ever seen. Space Channel 5. INXS: Making The Video. De-Cap Attack. Sega is like the corporate equivalent of that clumsy waiter from Sesame Street. Time and time again, they'd rather take a face-first dive down a flight of stairs than leave any wanting for "FIVE BANANA FLAMBES!"

Now gimme all your quarters and get the fuck out.