Cocktail.

Ethan Haas IS wrong....

Allen Cordell: Sup?

Nick Scoullar: Nothing, I'm tired!

Allen Cordell: Uh huh. What are you doing tonight?

Nick Scoullar: I don't even know! Faryl said we have plans, but she won't tell me what they are.

Allen Cordell: She's totally 1-18-08ing you.

If it pleases the court....

May I present exhibit A in the case of
"Haircuts and Clothes don't matter
v.
Reality"

So...

obviously we haven't been posting to observe Paris Hilton's time incarcerated and how she, HERSELF, could not blog during this time. Now things will be back to normal.

also:

I don't, at all, care about Paris Hilton.

THERE'S FUNNY, AND THEN THERE'S THIS

Before I saw this, there was a picture I had taken when I was still a member of the X Men on my desktop. In the picture, I was kicking the ass of the entire Third Reich, while arm wrestling a tryranosaurus and shaking hands with JFK. But that was before I saw this. It all seems so distant now...

THE SYSTEM WORKS!

Paris Hilton was released from jail today. I'm really heartbroken. I think if she had at least served 6 days of her sentence in a minimum security cell she would have been totally transformed into a thoughtful person of depth and character.

OH PICKLES!



THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Sarah Silverman and Paris Hilton are both women I've had sexual fantasies about, the only difference between them being one is INTENTIONALLY funny.

Actual conversations from this week (concerning beverages)

WAITER: Can I get you folks anything to drink?
ME: Just a coffee.
WAITER: Would you like an espresso, cappuccino, latte?
ME: Just a coffee.
WAITER: And would you like a regular coffee an or iced coffee?
ME: Just a coffee.

MORAL OF THE STORY : I MIGHT BE A DICK, BUT SALESMEN ARE DUMMIES.

also:

I saw a lovely couple on the subway today, they were white, toothless, mid 50's and also they were VERY OBVIOUSLY junkies. Taking that into consideration, I laughed A LOT when I heard 'mrs. junkie' say:

"UGH! WHY DID YOU GET SPRITE!? I CAN'T DRINK THIS!"

Finally proving my theory, 'aging junkies looking back on their days of boozing and killing spend their days eating garbage and still think Sprite is an inferior soft drink experience.'

LASTLY, here's a picture of me being mauled by a very nice dog: