Imagine Hiccuping FOREVER

Look at that girl. She's fifteen years old. Doesn't she look exhausted? Well she's been hiccuping for three weeks straight and she's worried she's never going to stop. Her name is Jennifer Mee, she lives in St. Petersburg, and she has tried every known home remedy there is. None of them have worked. I feel sorry for her. She must literally be going insane. I know I would.

At 50 times a minute these incessant hiccups, according to Jennifer's mother, Rachel Robidoux, sound like the barks of a chihuahua. It started on Janurary 23rd and apparently Jennifer is so depressed she's considered jumping off the Sunshine Skyway to make them stop. I don't blame her. She hasn't gone back to school since it started and is now home tutored. Apparently the hiccuping is too much to handle. And her chest and hips hurt from the constant spasming.

The longest case on record lasted 69 years. What would you do if this happened to you?

I'll be following the case of Jennifer Mee, hoping they find a cure for her.

REVIEW: Apples in Stereo at Bowery Ballroom 2.15.07

Yesterday was very exciting indeed! I had not been to Bowery Ballroom in a couple of years, and heading down there reminded me of all the times I had to lie or show a fake ID to get in there in the old days. We arrived at the venue around 10pm, the whole Mottley Crue of us.(I actually mean we were the band from the 80s, I am not implying we were in any way rag or tag. ) Robert and the Apples gang took the stage and were really tight. The harmonies and rhythm parts were all there. People danced and smiled. I looked everywhere for Elijah Wood, because I owe him $8 dollars. I wish I could name drop people without sounding like a scoundrel. Anyway, a good time was had by all! Here are some pics from the event:


























-Nick Scoullar

Teresa Tuesday (Part 2)

It's Thursday again, so naturally Teresa Tuesday. Teleport her back to me, I miss her. Trans-canopy denture, you know what I mean?

Sweet Nothings

Hey Gang,

Get out your safari hats and your elephant guns, cause we've got a little Instant Diversion in store for our devoted viewers -

Instant Scavenger Hunt!!!1

A few weeks back, we took a trip to some local supermarkets in downtown New York, scouring the aisles for funny foodstuffs to use in a few of our segments. After hitting four or so stores, we managed to find every item on our shopping list, except for a certain well-known breakfast cereal, which features sugar-coated bits shaped like the letters of the alphabet. Strange. After hitting every supermarket in the vicinity, and even a few bodegas, with no alphanumeric treats to be found, our curiousity had piqued; we wanted to know where our crunchy little letters had disappeared to. A visit to the manufacturer's website didn't help to confirm or deny that the cereal had disappeared without notice; despite a few references to the stuff scattered throughout the website, our cereal was conspicuously missing from the online list of the company's products.

Had cases of cereal bound for New York mysteriously "fallen off of the back of a truck," and into the laps of black-market cereal purveyors? Was it a case of circumstantial human error that had come between us and breakfast-y bliss? Or had the company decided to snub the literate cereal-eating community, diverting the alotted starches and sugars instead to the manufacturing plant for Video Game: The Cereal?

Conspiracy theories aside, WE WANT TO KNOW!! (seriously. we can dwell on stuff like this for months.) If you have any information on the condition of the confection in question, let us know. Is it just us, or has this cereal just fucking vanished? Photos of you enjoying the cereal and/or displaying your command of the English language through its use are a bonus, and we will post any images we feel fairly certain won't get us sued. Happy hunting!!!

THE INSTANT TALK SHOW BREAKFAST CREW

New Episode This Week

Check out our newest episode with Robert Schneider from the APPLES IN STEREO
coinciding with the release of their newest album NEW MAGNETIC WONDER (natch')
by newly minted record mogul ELIJAH WOOD (also featured on ITS this week). And who
said we don't line up planets for a living. Enjoy.

PS>we're all going to see the Apples at the Bowery Ballroom tonight. Full report to follow.

INSTANT TALK SHOW GANG

Teresa Tuesday

Did Teresa last night. same thing. tuesday. 15 years. yumsner.
chickenmeal fill you up good good. double helping heatloaf. too much noodles.
film talk. up to the dome. death lays an egg. bye bye. fragrant taxi. home.

A.N.S.R.I.P.

I will NEVER get to talk to her now.


Why?